Abroad, I am a Badly Written Novel

One of the more difficult things about living in a foreign country is that YOU as an individual--as a unique combination of traits and skills and personality--cease to exist. Instead you become a cardboard cutout; a poorly written character made up of your nationality, your interests (as long as they aren't too "weird" to talk about), your religion (if you have one), your worldview, your wardrobe, and your reason for being in a country that is not the one you were born in. Hence, your own ideas about the world are extremely difficult to articulate, especially when others you are speaking to have their own language and understand very little of the complexities of your personal views. For example, I am an American who is married, plays guitar, majored in English (like a self-indulgent American would), dresses rather casually, and has not experienced much of other cultures in the world aside from reading books. This is the extent of most conversations one has with individuals abroad. Unless one is there to stay and can make actual friends and perhaps forge more intimate relationships, it is difficult to become more than the badly written John Grisham version of yourself.

As that sense of inner essence fades one truly does start to feel the pull of the plot-driven story carrying him along as the author only discusses his cliche interests in pretty things and pretty people and stereotypical elements of the surrounding setting while the real focus becomes the forces that be that move this weak and incapable character down stream like the fallen leaf of an Oak tree in autumn. Even in one's own country there is extreme pressure to adhere to the stereotypes and cultural norms that are formed within one's own little world, but in someone else's little world standing out can be to risk saftey and survival. And so one crouches low attempts not to be seen or heard saying or doing anything out of place; camoflauged against the cultural backdrop of what is typical for some, and foreign and exotic to others. Expressing real thoughts and emotions becomes lost in the heavy accents and small vocabularies of one another's languages and soon one is no more than a babbling child wandering unknown streets and staring at the pretty, shiny sites. A tourist. An on-the-nose camera shot. A failed artistic attempt at reflecting culture and humanity.

"You have 90 days in our little world. See what we've set aside for you to see and go home before you see too much."